Friday, May 17, 2013

Moms Need To Stop Defending Chris Brown: Singer Steals Cell Phone In Latest Angry Outburst

chris brown, rihanna, domestic abuse, violence against women, mom health

Brown after he trashed and stormed out of Good Morning America studios last year.
The NY Daily News reports that the singer had yet another angry outburst when a fan took a photo of him while he was sitting in his car. According to police reports, he grabbed the phone from the fan and said ‘B–ch! You ain’t going to put that on no website!’”
This comes a few weeks after his Grammy win and performances andhis subsequent Twitter rant opposing his detractors, “Hate all u want becuz I got a Grammy now! That’s the ultimate f**k off!” Today’s news is three years after Brown beat and bloodied up his pop star girlfriend, Rihanna, and almost one year after his temper tantrum at the Good Morning America studios. When he was asked about the incident during a scheduled interview, he became irate and proceeded to trash the studio, leaving the building mid-interview.
Yet, surprisingly, there are many people who still defend him, even moms.
Just this week, I’ve seen Whoopi Goldberg and Sherri Shepherd (both moms) publicly defend him on TV, and many others (famous and not so famous) stick up for him on social media sites. It also surprises me when it’s a mother because as a mom, we need to protect and set an example for our girls and boys.
But what about second chances, they ask? He’s only 22, they say. I say, exactly, he’s a 22-year-old man. I would not allow his behavior in my 9-year-old son and he knows it. Most boys his age (and younger) know that men hurting women is wrong. Defending any abuser using his age as a reason is doing a disservice to him and all the women who will encounter him. A twenty something, or even a teen who abuses women and has anger issues needs help, period. He certainly doesn’t need an industry who will back him up for the sake of a dollar. Brown is proving more as the days go by just how violent and erratic he still is. When we condone the behavior, or even worse congratulate and applaud him, we condone domestic violence, plain and simple.
It’s obvious that Rihanna and Brown are caught up in a cycle of domestic abuse. Violence against women happens in every tax bracket and the people close to Rihanna are said to be very worried about her willingness to let him back in her life. Rihanna has fans up in arms that she will collaborate with him on music now, and I’m glad to see that many teen girls are disgusted by the fact she is allowing herself to be vulnerable again. I’m also greatly distressed by the many teens that would be willing to take a beating to go out with him.
ABC News reports that fans are upset at Rihanna’s willingness to forgive, forget and collaborate with Brown but points out that it is just not that simple:
The highs the abusers provide their victims are like no other, and the memory and potency of the positive experiences draws the victim back in for more. Society doesn’t expect women who are beautiful, talented, wealthy, and who have many options surrounding her, to fall prey to such behavior, but “domestic violence is an equalizer.” It is more about psychological dependence, low self-esteem, and believing that this person, who is good to you sometimes, is really your best and only option out there.
It’s the very reason this couple needs to be discussed with our kids over and over again. We need to delve into the seriousness of being involved in an abusive relationship and particularly what it takes to get there. We need to build up our girls’ and boys’ self-worth so they will not feel insecure enough to either abuse or be abused.
The worst thing we can do is to say it’s all right, he’s young, he repented. He clearly hasn’t, and the ramifications of people, especially mothers and women, acting as though nothing ever happened span far beyond than these two pop stars themselves. Our kids are always watching. What we say and do matters. We have to send the right message whether we’re talking to our own children or discussing the matter on nationwide television.
Originally published February 24, 2012